Change does have a good side.
It’s Thursday and the weekend, for me, will begin at 12p tomorrow. As of late our weekends have been filled with looking for new apartments, biking/walking through Central Park, along the Hudson River, and basically just spending time together, movies – dinners – what have you. This weekend, with a weather forecast of nothing but rain our New York experience will no doubt change; which led me to that saying about “Change” being good and all the changes in this past year.
Last night while I was waiting for my children to show up at an event, my soon to be ex wife asked me if I was happy. My response was –
“Yes! I’m very happy. Not when I’m being raked across the coals and I wish that the kids and I were more involved, but yes, I’m very happy.”
She has asked me this before, as if this particular change in my life wasn’t what I wanted after all. Trust me when I say that my home life is going very well and that I wouldn’t change this decision. Again, I do wish that the kids would take the steps that they need to make decisions on their own but all that will come. I also have to try to realize that they are in a particular difficult situation. On more then one occasion my son has been asked to leave the house because his views differed from that of the new master of the house. Unfortunately my response wasn’t what she wanted to hear and I’m sorry that it hurt her but not sorry that I said it or that I feel that way.
Life - Change – is something that we all have to go through. It’s like the roller coaster at the amusement park with all the twists, turns and hill. Simply going around in circles is fine but after a while becomes boring and old. The roller coaster kind of spices it all up a bit. And while looking around and taking it all in – I can see that many of us hang on to the merry-go-round because it’s safe with no surprises. Which is why more people stay in relationship and are afraid to say, “This just isn’t working any more.” - “I’m just not happy with the way this is going and I don’t want to live like this.” – and for me; “I’m simply had enough, I’m tired of hurting you and I’m tired of you hurting me. I’m tired of our particular situation, arrangement and the apparent expectations on me.” I think that if divorce didn’t have the stereotype that it does or that people didn’t think that they had to get back at the other person for making them sooooooo unhappy or hurt. This particular life change wouldn’t be so difficult.
I wish that more people would look at this as an opportunity to begin again, on both sides. To see this decision as an opportunity to mold the rest of your life exactly the way you want it to be and not something that will end up just going around in the that same uneventful circle. And to also stop looking at this situation as something that just occurred or only at the events in recent months or years. There were many years to my particular marriage, not all bad and not all situations good either.
= -] Funny – my middle daughter continues to write to me in explanation as to why she is mad at me. One of her comments is that I continue to say that I was tired of coming home after work and having to clean up or make dinner. When SHE was the one who took her younger sister to school and made her dinner. Or that I missed her cheerleading games. And yes, she is right. When her mother was in New York and I was working nights – she had to pick her sister up from school and had to make her something for dinner. And because of my hours I had to miss some of her games, but went to those that I could. But that was for what the three months of Fall. My question and realization is what happen to the other 22 years. She didn’t do that the entire time she was in school and she certainly didn’t take on that responsibility when she was younger.
I suppose my point in all of this is – yes – change is good – but you also have to look at ALL the facts – ALL the information – and ALL sides to make a decision as to what you want to change in your life. And also to realize that EVERYONE has the right to try to make their life a happy one. If it’s not working you have to do your best to fix it. This was my method of repair and I’m sorry that others don’t agree with it.
Last night while I was waiting for my children to show up at an event, my soon to be ex wife asked me if I was happy. My response was –
“Yes! I’m very happy. Not when I’m being raked across the coals and I wish that the kids and I were more involved, but yes, I’m very happy.”
She has asked me this before, as if this particular change in my life wasn’t what I wanted after all. Trust me when I say that my home life is going very well and that I wouldn’t change this decision. Again, I do wish that the kids would take the steps that they need to make decisions on their own but all that will come. I also have to try to realize that they are in a particular difficult situation. On more then one occasion my son has been asked to leave the house because his views differed from that of the new master of the house. Unfortunately my response wasn’t what she wanted to hear and I’m sorry that it hurt her but not sorry that I said it or that I feel that way.
Life - Change – is something that we all have to go through. It’s like the roller coaster at the amusement park with all the twists, turns and hill. Simply going around in circles is fine but after a while becomes boring and old. The roller coaster kind of spices it all up a bit. And while looking around and taking it all in – I can see that many of us hang on to the merry-go-round because it’s safe with no surprises. Which is why more people stay in relationship and are afraid to say, “This just isn’t working any more.” - “I’m just not happy with the way this is going and I don’t want to live like this.” – and for me; “I’m simply had enough, I’m tired of hurting you and I’m tired of you hurting me. I’m tired of our particular situation, arrangement and the apparent expectations on me.” I think that if divorce didn’t have the stereotype that it does or that people didn’t think that they had to get back at the other person for making them sooooooo unhappy or hurt. This particular life change wouldn’t be so difficult.
I wish that more people would look at this as an opportunity to begin again, on both sides. To see this decision as an opportunity to mold the rest of your life exactly the way you want it to be and not something that will end up just going around in the that same uneventful circle. And to also stop looking at this situation as something that just occurred or only at the events in recent months or years. There were many years to my particular marriage, not all bad and not all situations good either.
= -] Funny – my middle daughter continues to write to me in explanation as to why she is mad at me. One of her comments is that I continue to say that I was tired of coming home after work and having to clean up or make dinner. When SHE was the one who took her younger sister to school and made her dinner. Or that I missed her cheerleading games. And yes, she is right. When her mother was in New York and I was working nights – she had to pick her sister up from school and had to make her something for dinner. And because of my hours I had to miss some of her games, but went to those that I could. But that was for what the three months of Fall. My question and realization is what happen to the other 22 years. She didn’t do that the entire time she was in school and she certainly didn’t take on that responsibility when she was younger.
I suppose my point in all of this is – yes – change is good – but you also have to look at ALL the facts – ALL the information – and ALL sides to make a decision as to what you want to change in your life. And also to realize that EVERYONE has the right to try to make their life a happy one. If it’s not working you have to do your best to fix it. This was my method of repair and I’m sorry that others don’t agree with it.
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