Moving On !

 

So things have gotten . . . a bit confusing and out of control. And if you know me at all, you know that I hate that.

With so many things, goals, challenges and situations there always seems to be a little a cloud that lingers over or around. Not necessarily bad, but not always good. It's something that causes . . . questions, delays and ultimately some frustration. Well, this last week, month, even year has been, to say the least, has been difficult, with many frustrations.

Working as a Sales Manager - Wedding Planner for Simple Weddings, Being Co-Owner of the Ladybug Shop, Creating and Developing Breaking Rules Writing Competitions, Writing Four Short Stories, Trying to Write, Finish and Publish Book Number Four Waters Edge and get it out to the public, not to mention my other books and stories - All on top of being a Good Husband, Father and Friend - has proven to be so much more than one person should pile on themselves. I have great plans, great ideas and have the skills and drive to get them going. But it seems that I just don't have the time.

WHY?

That's easy - I am not the first and most important person in my life.

Rarely have I ever been. It seems, with some self-reflection, that I have a tendency to put others and their needs, wants and yes tasks, above my own. Some will say that this is a noble trait, or one of self-giving. But in the end, it benefits who? Giving of my time, talents and treasures is an amazing gifts, and one that I'm proud of. To a point. I now, after 54 years of life, have seen that happiness, love, life are all relative. You make them what they are. Lucky for us, as humans, we're in a place to make changes in our lives that will either push you forward or pull you back. I've decided on the former. But also to see my goals for what they are. MINE ! My goals have to be first and "I" have to be the one to make them happen. I can't worry about what everyone else will do, how they'll find their own happiness, love and live their lives. "I" have to plunge forward to see where I'm supposed to go. Not follow others around in the shadows, pushing them to their goals and making sure that their happiness comes first.

I woke up this morning with a list of 17 things to do, all of which had nothing to do with my real life job. I sat for literally two hours, don’t judge - everybody needs a little down time, thinking of my past, my present and my future. Trying to figure out how I got here, what here meant and then, most importantly, what I wanted here to be and look like, then where I wanted to go.

Funny enough this all came from a post on Facebook yesterday. I found a Meme that asked others to mention what they thought “I” was obsessed with. Most said David, family, writing, or even those that really knew something about me, placed dance as their entry. Nice! What struck me most was the post from a dear friend, Janice Tripp. Her comment was "Happiness." She thinks that I'm obsessed with happiness. Can you imagine that?

During this two hours emotional sit-fest, I realized that she was right, but only by half. I saw in myself the need to increase others happiness, which in turn made me happy, but not really the happiness that we're talking about here. Or that I should be focused on. As husbands, wives, parents, friends, employees, we all have responsibilities to be present and help to make those around us are happy. But in fact, we have a greater responsibility to ourselves to make sure that WE are happy and content with the life that we have created for ourselves. Something that you would think would be so natural, so easy, a part of our DNA. It apparently hasn't been for me. And in the end, has finally caused sadness.  

Everything can’t be Facebook perfect.

You can look deep and try to see or find out why, but that really isn't productive. The point is you're here in this place, no matter how you got here, the reality is, it has to change and be yours, mine.

Breaking point just a bit. With all of you I'm sure, there have been times when you say, this is the day. The day, I stop smoking, I stop drinking soda (God forbid), the day that I start my diet, the day I find love, the day that I look for and find a job, whatever you need to tell yourself, to just make your life better and get off your ass and get started on bettering your situation.

Today is that day. I won't say, what I'll do, just that today is that day. Happiness is ours to find - get - enjoy and keep. I hope you find yours.